Let’s be real: How are you? What did you do this weekend? and Do you have the report? aren’t exactly the fast track to team connection.
Years ago, The New York Times published an article by Mandy Len Catron called “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This.” It was based on a study by psychologist Arthur Aron, who found that people could create deep connection—even fall in love—by sitting down, asking 36 specific questions, and then staring into each other’s eyes for four minutes.
Now, I’m not suggesting your team fall in love. (Awkward!) But I am suggesting that a carefully chosen handful of those questions can create surprisingly powerful connections at work.
Because here’s the truth: real team cohesion—the kind that fuels collaboration, creativity, and care—comes from knowing each other beyond roles and responsibilities. It’s emotional intimacy at work, and it’s foundational to a thriving workplace culture.
14 Questions That Build Team Connection
Of the 36 questions in the original study, here are 14 I’d call workplace appropriate. They make fantastic icebreakers at meetings, conversation starters for one-on-ones, or questions to pull out at your Friday Afternoon Club. Bonus? They also make great interview questions.
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
- Would you like to be famous? If so, in what way?
- What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
- When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
- If you could live to 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old, which would you choose?
- Name three things you and your co-worker appear to have in common.
- For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
- If you could wake up tomorrow with one new quality or ability, what would it be?
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?
- Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- Your house catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time for one item. What do you grab and why?
Bonus: Would you rather have the superpower of being invisible or flying? (Go listen to Act One of This American Life’s “Superpowers” episode to add some fun context around this question.)
Small Questions, Big Impact
These questions create what we call social super glue. They help people feel seen. They help teams feel human. They strengthen trust and spark empathy—and that leads to better communication, better collaboration, and better outcomes.
So the next time you’re tempted to ask, How was your weekend?, try one of the questions above instead.
Here’s to getting to know your team on a deeper, more meaningful level.
