Lately I’ve had the wonderful opportunity to uncover—and work through—another layer of my old pattern of overfunctioning.

What I’ve discovered (again) is that overfunctioning is a form of codependency. It’s when we rely on another person to behave a certain way so we can feel comfortable and safe. When they don’t do what we think is best, it can feel unsettling—because suddenly we don’t feel in control of our environment.

So we step in.

We take over.

We do for them what we think they should be doing for themselves.

While this may look helpful or generous on the surface, it’s actually incredibly disempowering. Over time, it often causes the other person to lose confidence and underfunction.
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Signs You Might Be Overfunctioning

Perhaps you have a history of overfunctioning too. It might show up as:

• Jumping in to help (which can look generous, yet carries an undercurrent of control)
• Thinking, “I’ll just do it myself,” and doing someone else’s work
• Feeling irritated or resentful when others don’t do their work—or don’t do it the way you think they should
• Trying to “encourage” someone to do what you think is best (though it may smell a bit like manipulation)
• Becoming dismissive of the person, even avoiding or not trusting them

Here’s the hard truth:

When a leader overfunctions, the team underfunctions.
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Influence vs. Control

As a true leader, you don’t control other people. But you do influence them.

The question is: how?

In a way that’s supportive and uplifting?

Or in a way that’s demoralizing and draining?

It all depends on where you’re coming from.

Are you coming from a desire to control and force an outcome that makes you feel safer, more comfortable, or more at ease?

Or are you coming from a desire to support the other person in finding their own way through the challenge—learning to trust themselves and their own capacity?

This is what it means to be a stand for someone. To listen to them bigger than they listen to themselves. To come alongside them and support their development.

This is very different from taking over—or manipulating someone into doing something.

Yes, as a leader you are responsible for the work getting done. But resentfully pushing, prodding, forcing—or quietly doing the work yourself—creates a culture of underfunctioning every time.
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6 Ways to Disrupt Overfunctioning (and a Culture of Underfunctioning)

1. Notice Overfunctioning

Disruption starts with self-awareness.

Notice if you feel resentful, irritable, exhausted, or overwhelmed. These are often signs you’re overfunctioning.

Pay attention to your behaviors:

• Are you doing other people’s work?
• Taking over?
• Over-advising?
• Micromanaging or manipulating?

Then notice your motives. What are you afraid will happen if you don’t overfunction?
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2. Share Your Commitment

Let your team know you recognize this pattern and that you’re committed to disrupting it.

If appropriate, acknowledge that your behavior may have felt undermining or communicated a lack of trust. Share what’s been driving your overfunctioning and name your concerns honestly.

This transparency builds trust and resets the relational field.
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3. Establish Healthy Boundaries

Clearly define:

• The scope of each role
• Decision-making authority
• What success looks like

Then allow team members to make decisions within that scope. Encourage initiative—and invite them to seek support when they’re genuinely struggling to meet expectations.
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4. Hold Space

There’s a healthy middle ground between “not my monkeys, not my circus” and jumping in to save or control.

That middle ground is holding space.

Holding space means:

• Asking questions from genuine curiosity about the work gap
• Actively listening
• Being fully present
• Offering empathy without fixing

Often, this simply looks like allowing someone to verbally process while you witness them.

You might be thinking, “But Kris, that’s why I’m here—to solve problems!”

Here’s the reframe:

As a leader, your job is not to solve problems—it’s to remove obstacles and build your team’s capacity to solve them.
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5. Guide Alongside (Not Over)

If someone asks for your input, by all means—share a couple of key thoughts. You might even ask, “Can I offer a reflection?”

Just don’t take over.

Guidance is collaborative. Overfunctioning is not.
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6. Encourage Their Solutions

When a team member asks, “What should I do?” respond with:

“What do you think?”

As often as possible, encourage them to run with their idea.

This builds confidence in their own problem-solving ability. It may be tempting to add your preference or two cents—but resist unless it truly adds significant value.

Here’s to disrupting overfunctioning—and supporting your team in fully realizing their capability and capacity.

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